Ask Dr. Donez!



Question 501: If I stole the sword of excalibur from the tv show and replaced it with your ice pick, you would be unstopable with this magical powerful sword, you could even rule the wourld! But would you be happy with my trade?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I really doubt that a thousand year old sword can be more powerful then the great Ice Pick. It's probably all rusty and all. Hasn't that sword been lying in a lake for centuries? I'll pass.

Question 502: So what do you say we become friends, I'll show my friendship with you by being your test dummie and slave, but you have to pay me 50 bucks an hour though, and i need a job too! PS: Major fan of you!
Dr. Donez's Answer: If you want to become one of Dr. Donez's official "friends", you must first fill out the thirty page application form, and then wait in line like everyone else. Hey, just because you're my friend, doesn't mean you're special.

Question 503: I AM THE EGGMAN! Anyway....... Do you like games with Sonic in them?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Those Sonicy games go too fast. They make my little tweeter head hurt.

Question 504: Dr. Donez (Jay) you really need to update.....I'M GOING CRAZY I really love your comix and I totaly agree that Luigi is been in that fat plumbers shadow too long.Well any way I'm sooooo inpatient that I even make my own comix while I'm waiting for an update they star most of the NC characters I even make my own version of some of your comix. Now to the question you think I could be one of the people that make the comics on NC?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, Jay's really quite an egotistical jerk when it comes to his website. He's pretty particular about being the only person who works on it. But go ahead and write your own comics. And when you do, give me a better job. And more lines.

Question 505: Dear Dr.Donez if I mixed yoshi DNA with frog DNA then mixed it CFJ (cherry flavoured jell-o) then some N potion what would it make I think it would make a evil frog with a bottomless stomach and what if I added a Phantasy Star III cartridge or a Mario is Missing cartridge into the mix?
Dr. Donez's Answer: We need someone in here to enforce the use of "periods".

Question 506: Can Dr. Donez pick his nose, fart, and burp while singing "Who Let the Dogs Out?" all at the same time??
Dr. Donez's Answer: If I could, why on earth would I still be here? With those kinds of skills, I could be president or something.

Question 507: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I don't know. If I do, they sure don't like me enough to call. Or acknowledge my existance. Can't say I blame them. Or maybe I should start reading all of those Christmas cards I get every year. For some reason I always thought they were bills.

Question 508: Hey Dr. Donez, are you the tweeter in the first Tryclyde's room of SMB2?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, I'm the second tweeter in the first level of the game, if you must know. Where have you been?

Question 509: Hey Donez WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BE IN NC/SSS MACH 2 PART 8 AGAIN!
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um... Don't we have some sort of person screening these questions? Oh wait, that's Jay's job. Nevermind. That explains it.

Question 510: Why is cheese yellow if cows go moo?
Dr. Donez's Answer: If you say moo really fast your face turns yellow. Give it a try.

Question 511: Hey, Dr. Donez... DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ! DR. DONEZ!
Dr. Donez's Answer: Ow... Stop that. Don't make me, I donno, do something. Yeah. I'll do something. That's it. Ooooo. Fear my empty threat at doing something!

Question 512: Since nintendo is discrediting you, are you thinking about moving to S.C.E.A. (Sony Computer Entertainment America -- Playstation's company)
Dr. Donez's Answer: It's kinda hard to leave Nintendo, since they have me locked up and all. At least the food isn't too bad.

Question 513: Is king kong donkey kong's great great great great grandfather?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yeah sure, whatever. And if you say moo really fast, your face turns yellow. Give it a try.

Question 514: Do Zoo Pals make eating fun?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Why does eating have to be fun? How about this - eat or you starve.

Question 515: Is is possible to splice the DNA of a tweeter, a microwave pretzel, and a Mario?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, it's against the law to do any chemical or genetic tests with Marios. Too messy.

Question 516: Why does Sam-I-Am constantly pester that guy to eat his green eggs and Ham? Ya know, if I was that guy I'd take his ham and cram it down the furry midgit's throat. And what's with the Cat in the Hat? Why did he go inside those kid's house without permission and trash up the place with Thing 1 and Thing 2? I swear, Dr. Suess had issues when he wrote that stuff. BTW, what do you use to gel your feathers?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Instant Jell-o pudding.

Question 517: What the heck is your problem? If you ever kill Dr.Executrain will you start eating Toad? I must kow you eco-weinee1
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um..................Go say moo really fast. Please?

Question 518: Hey Doctor Donez, why doesn't your close up bit work on the Ask Doctor Donez questions?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because it's kinda hard to simulate the whole cartoon thing with a text based form. Ya know? Plus, I appreciate any break I can get.

Question 519: Where did you get the Ice Pick?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I think it was given to me as a lame birthday present from my aunt. She didn't even have a receipt!

Question 520: Could I have an ice pick?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well sure, if your aunt gives you one.

Question 521: And if you have The One Ice Pick, can I have The Two Ice Pick?
Dr. Donez's Answer: You've been watching too much fantasy. Balance it with some sci-fi. Doctor's orders.

Question 522: Who is the smartest guy I should ask to do my maths homework and the dumbest (apart from Mario)???
Dr. Donez's Answer: Ahem. You're looking at him. I guess that could answer both questions, so I'll leave it at that.

Question 523: Dr. Donez- Do you think Lemmy the Lemming should stop copying Lemmy "Hip" Koopa's name?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Hey, it's his name. Lemmy doesn't go to your house and tell you to change your name. And if he does, then well, I apologize.

Question 524: Oh, hi, I just want you to know that Billy Bob wants his puppies back, and he says that if you don't give them back right now, he's going to use his army to blow up your muffin.
Dr. Donez's Answer: That muffin is long gone now. Hahaha.

Question 525: Why does Jay like Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link so much? I thought it stunk.
Dr. Donez's Answer: Then you shouldn't think about thoughting so much thought all the time before you think it through, though thinking such thoughts is all right although you should think about thinking such thoughts a little less.

Question 526: How many pecks of pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Say cow really fast.

Question 527: What exactly makes you different from any other Tweeters? Minus the fact that you're a doctor.
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, besides the fact that I'm a doctor, I'm also the only tweeter that has the first three seasons of Cheers on DVD.

Question 528: I have a question for you Dr. Donez what is your real name? Or is Dr. your real name? The first question is the one I'm asking so it's not two questions.
Dr. Donez's Answer: I believe this question has already been answered. Look through the previous 2000 questions to find it.

Question 529: How come Team Rocket keeps popping up in my dreams all of a sudden?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Put down the Pokemon. We're sending someone to help. Everything will be OK. Just stay on the line and don't go try to catch them all.

Question 530: Why did my power go out all of a sudden?
Dr. Donez's Answer: It might be because you're trying to play five million Gamecubes all at once.

Question 531: Do you know what 7,779 divide by 787 if you don't you need to do math over!!! HA,HA!!!!
Dr. Donez's Answer: Was that a question? I think I shall answer it with my own. Why? Because I can.

Question 532: Exactly HOW MUCH money do you have, including French, Japanese, German, Chinese, Swedish, Brazilian, Madagascar, and Atlantian?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Not nearly enough, or I'd be so out of here.

Question 533: Okay. This is a very long and complicated question but I'm sure you'll answer it. If you take a super mushroom and put it in a sock, what is the fraction equivalent of a super mushroom in the sock + cheese, and would this affect its smelliness? If so, then how hungry would the socks be? Multiply it by 257,000, then switch the pencil around and write it on the cheese so that the sock isn't hungry, and then find the square root of 39895 to make the cows laugh. How many minutes would they laugh? Divide this number by 5 and then shout Ya-hoo when you're done!
Dr. Donez's Answer: Such a long and complicated question deserves and equally long and equally complicated answer. But because I don't feel like it, I'll just say "2".

Question 534: My army of knives and ice cream scoopers can deafeat your pizza cutter!
Dr. Donez's Answer: I don't have a pizza cutter, fool.

Question 535: Hi. I am a NIIIIIIMMMMRRRROOOOOOODDDDDD. i am so stoopid that i dont no how to mayk a milk shayk can u help mee pleez or els i will b forsed to dustroy the iys pik aneeway doo u lyk feetz feetz r funee ya no feetz r funee feetz r funee feetz r funee poof poof i dont no y i feel funee ERG URK HURNG! That was weird. It's fun to be stupid. One last thing. 4r3 y00 l33t?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Security!

Question 536: IT'S ME, THE LIVING TALKING WALKING BURPING FARTING DRAWING EATING HOWLING ASPHYXIATING DROOLING FAILING PREVAILING DISCOMBOBULATING BOTTLE OF GRAPEFRUIT EXTRACT!!! Will you marry me, Dr. Donez?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, you sound better then my last wife. So...no. Wait...I was never married. Or was I?

Question 537: Can you help me, Dr. D? You see, I was wasting my life on the Internet when suddenly I feared Fred was a freak, so I fled to the nearest flea market to purchase the faintest figment of my imagination. Then I ate some donuts. Donuts are GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD, doncha know? Anyway, could you help me cuz I don't wanna see anymore Darth Butch dopplegangers that want to submit me to the Slightly Black Side, which on a curious note resides in the nooks, crannies, nuances, and crevasses of your tail feathers along with the Really Bad Star, which is controlled, owned, and operated by Supreme Executive Lieutenant General Johan Craigenhanz Of The 9th Dimension. If you help me with my problem, I'll give you some Super Cherry Flavored Jell-O Bombs to kill Executrain with. You're my favorite evil genius, ya know.
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yes, I do know that donuts are good. Now since I answered your question, good bye.

Question 538: Dr.Donez who are you?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Boy, are you in the wrong place. This isn't Ask Dr. Donez. This is "Bass Fishing Questions with Phil". I'm Phil. Now ask a question about bass fishing or leave now.

Question 539: Dr. Donez, why do you use a stupid ice pick as a weapon? If you know everything, then you should know by now that an icepick, is a stupid weapon!!! Stupid bird. Love, Bob
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um...I just want to be friends, Bob.

Question 540: Who's your daddy, and what does he do?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I sure hope my daddy isn't Bob.

Question 541: Do you or do you not have a good-evil plan to destroy the planet Neptune?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Shhhhhhhh. I'm trying to sleep. Go say moo really fast.

Question 542: It's my brthay me gonny potty likeit me brthay do u want 2 join me brthy???????
Dr. Donez's Answer: You're the man now, dog.

Question 543: What da heck??????????
Dr. Donez's Answer: I was wondering the same thing!

Question 544: When will toys r us realize they have no more hokey pokey elmos?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Tomorrow.

Question 545: Why is there something about Mary?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because if there wasn't something about Mary, then you wouldn't be asking me if there was something about Mary, and the whole Space-Time vortex would collapse.

Question 546: If one plus two equals fish when will Jay add the sixth part to NC/SSS Crossover Match 2?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, this is an old question.

Question 547: Are those things on Fred's head wings or excessively large ears?
Dr. Donez's Answer: You know what...I don't really know. I always thought they were extra hands or something. Or maybe a stupid looking hat.

Question 548: So you don't like Mario, but do you like Mario GAMES!?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yeah, SO? Wait, I hate Mario games. Who told you that I did??? LIES! SLANDER! I'll sue!

Question 549: Why won't you leggo my eggo?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because it's the final part that I need for my doomsday machine. So too bad.

Question 550: Did you know that cows CAN talk, but they just prefer to say moo?
Dr. Donez's Answer: We already went over this. Go say moo really fast and your face will turn yellow.

Question 551: Who Da Cap fit? You know what I mean.
Dr. Donez's Answer: Actually, I don't. You don't own me!

Question 552: Hello, there, you, are wondering who I am, no? Or eez, it, you might, have seen my SN before, yes? If so, please contact the Dr. Beaks nose Reduction Agency, oh, and It's... Monty Python's The Flying Circus! Oh well, that was just an advertisement... Is my name Ken Hardy, or [censored due to confidentiality]?
Dr. Donez's Answer: The answer to your first question is no and the answer to the second is yes. Or was it the other way around? Oh well, who cares.

Question 553: Hey,Dr.Donez!Where's my 1,200,569 tacos?~Fred
Dr. Donez's Answer: Fred, Fred, buddy. They're right behind you, on the table.

Question 554: I shall destroy you,Dr.Donez!And then i shall conquer the world!-Prof.Executrain
Dr. Donez's Answer: Pft, you're not really Prof. Executrain. You don't stink as bad.

Question 555: can you ride on your great-grandfather's motorcycle and scream WWWWEEEEEEE 3 times fast and 2 times slow in that order without eating your ice pick? yes i know i have issues to deal with
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yes...you do have issues. Please deal with them.

Question 556: Was everybody kong fu fightin or was it just you????
Dr. Donez's Answer: I have never or ever was "kong fu fightin". The fact that you simply suggest it is a great insult upon my house. How dare you!

Question 557: How come the simpsons never appear on this website? Huh? Watcha ya gonna do know?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um.........yeah...good question. Very good question.

Question 558: Can you ask me ten questions?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Just read the rest of this section, you'll find some 2000 questions.

Question 559: How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck had one tooth.
Dr. Donez's Answer: Not very much, sadly. Poor little guy. (Sniff).

Question 560: Is it true that if a boy kisses his elbow he turns into a girl and vice versa cause one time, i knew a female Dr. donez and i saw her kiss her elbow.is this true?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Stop smoking the yellow corn.

Question 561: WHAT WOULD U DO IF U GOT CANCELLED
Dr. Donez's Answer: I would look for a can opener.

Question 562: If you were mentally insane and starving, would you Dance like an Irish man and use the Ice Pick to destroy your glasses to make yourself look like a nerd for a French fry?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only if the chicks digged it.

Question 563: WHAT IF POLLY THE PARROT ASKED U FOR A CRACKET WOULD U GIVE IT TO HIM?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I THINK I WILL ANSWER USING ONLY CAPS FOR A WHILE, SINCE IT LOOKS LIKE FUN.

Question 564: If you were mentally insane and starving, would you Dance like an Irish man and use the Ice Pick to destroy your glasses to make yourself look like a nerd for a French fry and you have no money?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I ALREADY ANSWERED THIS QUESTION. BEGONE.

Question 565: Yes! I found the SECRET section!!!! I am going to USE this for a hideout! You will NEVER find me HERE, Dr. Donez! BU HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Now you have a choice. Either you give BACK my brother's shoe or you get KILLED by the minions that I SENT out to kill you as I DESTROY the $10,000 pyramid!!! Guess who this IS, Dr. Donez! BU HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -Jay Respo
Dr. Donez's Answer: GO AWAY, VISITING HOURS ARE THURSDAY.

Question 566: Donez, which is smarter, Mario or a chihuauah?
Dr. Donez's Answer: EVERYTHING IS SMARTER THAN MARIO, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT.

Question 567: Mario or a rock?
Dr. Donez's Answer: AS I SAID BEFO...(gasp). Wow, that's hard. Talking in all caps and all. I feel winded.

Question 568: Me or a rock?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Probably the rock.

Question 569: The Chiken or the egg?
Dr. Donez's Answer: It's a tie.

Question 570: Jay or Kyle?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Jay Leno?

Question 571: Have you ever tried to talk to Excutrain and see if you two will becomes friends?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Never! Ever! Never! Never never never!!! Well, maybe. If there was cake involved.

Question 572: Wanna blow up an X-Box?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Not right now. Maybe later.

Question 573: Three questions for Dr. Donez: How would you describe yourself?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Stinky.

Question 574: How would you describe Bill?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Stinkier.

Question 575: How would you describe Jay Resop?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Stinkiest.

Question 576: Hey Donez! How would you feel if there were a movie based off Bill and Fred's Quazi Mediocre Adventure? Will there be a sequel? Why did you ignore Silence, I mean, Steve, when he was frozen instead of unfreezing him? Answer now!
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only if I got to be a executive producer. There will be a sequel if Jay lives long enough. Silence was left frozen as a plot convenience.

Question 577: 1! 2!..........................What is it good for?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Absolutely nothing.

Question 578: If i had the Wand of the chessiest cheese, also known as the cheeseiestcheesecheese thing, would you use it, TO CONQUER THE WORLD?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, I'd probably eat it after a few hours. Taking over the world builds up an appetite.

Question 579: Waht is the secret recipe, for the fred and bill choking Chokato?
Dr. Donez's Answer: THIS QUESTION DESERVES TO BE YELLED AT.

Question 580: If today was oppisite day, and i was u and u were me, would a tomato be... a Fred And Bill?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sure, if you say so.

Question 581: Hey Donez! Fred appeared in Kirby: Nightmare in Dream Land! He is in 7-2 and he is one of the bosses in the castle! Also he's in his original color green! How do you feel?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I'm going to Disney Land!

Question 582: I have a hot tweeter freind that wants you. you like!
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, is that it? No name, number? Bah.

Question 583: If Luigi created Phone the Clone, how'd he get into Jay Respo's hands or on "Who want's to Live?"?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Plot convenience. Gatta love plot convenience.

Question 584: Dr. Donez, which mascot do you hate the most, Mario, Sonic, Samus Aran, Banjo (with Kazooie), Jak (with Daxter), Ratchet (with Clank) or Crash Bandicoot?
Dr. Donez's Answer: What the heck is Samus Aran a mascot of? NASA?

Question 585: Dr. D. I have found the perfect way to take over the world. All you have to do is become president of Nintendo, get rid of all your executive subordinates, & then simply threaten to cancel Pokemon if every country doesn't surrender to you. It's perfect! And all I want in return is Australia. Whaddaya say?
Dr. Donez's Answer: How about I steal your plan now that you've already told it to me, and I give you nothing?

Question 586: If you could be any kind of animal besides a bird, then WHAT BRAND OF CHEESE WOULD BE YOUR FAVORITE?!?!?!?!?!!? Oops, I meant which animal would you be.
Dr. Donez's Answer: Swiss.

Question 587: Why is the sky blue?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because it'd look stupid if it were pink.

Question 588: What does Jay Resop look like?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Look in a mirror.

Question 589: Pie?
Dr. Donez's Answer: 3.1415926535897932384626433832795

Question 590: Is Bill the first pidget in SMB2? And are you also the seconde tweeter in Super Mario All-stars and Super Mario Advance?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Si and si.

Question 591: Hey doc! What do you think of the Harry Potter books or movies? The Star Wars movies? Histeria? (not the Michael Jackson crap, but the TV show on the WB)
Dr. Donez's Answer: Harry Potter? Is that one of those card games?

Question 592: Does Captain Churru have any other distinct physical features other than his broken glasses, blue and orange body, and the fact that he's a tweeter?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Nope...that about wraps him up. Strange guy.

Question 593: Have you ever seen the Strong Bad e-mails? (homestarrunner.com/sbemail.html)
Dr. Donez's Answer: Nope.

Question 594: Why does Strong Bad say "crap" all the time?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Beats me.

Question 595: How does he type with boxing gloves on?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Why are you asking me?

Question 596: ...Actually, how you you type with wings?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Telekinesis. Possibly.

Question 597: Will you be playable in the upcoming Mario Kart: Double Dash?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Wow, this is an old question. Buy yeah, sure, why not.

Question 598: Will you be on the development team of The Legend of Stickda?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I sure hope.

Question 599: Have you ever been in any school plays or musicals?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yeah, but I always get cut. Something about having "God-awful singing that could kill a mule".

Question 600: Why does Jay always say moo when he's in an AIM chatroom? Didn't I tell you to stop doing those human/farm animal brain transplants?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because it's fun. Give it a try. Moo.

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