Ask Dr. Donez!



Question 1501: If you had a million dollars right now what would you do with it?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Buy and sell Jay's soul.

Question 1502: How many PHDs do you have?
Dr. Donez's Answer: 899999999999999999999.

Question 1503: What's so powerful about Jello?
Dr. Donez's Answer: See the answer to question 465.

Question 1504: Do you like my hat?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No.

Question 1505: Do I like your hat?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yes.

Question 1506: Does your hat like my hat and vice versa?
Dr. Donez's Answer: My hat declared war on your hat.

Question 1507: Are you Santa Clause?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I sure hope not, or else I'll he busy as heck this winter. Those dang elves better work their butts off!

Question 1508: Did you make a sandwich?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Why? You can't have it! It's mine! MINE!!!

Question 1509: Did Bob Dole get hit by that incredibly large tractor?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Ew...messy.

Question 1510: If bologna could fly, would shoes hug televisions?
Dr. Donez's Answer: (Ah oh, someone caught wind of my evil skeem. Think fast)...Er...(runs).

Question 1511: Will Citrus Man EVER return?
Dr. Donez's Answer: He's right behind you.

Question 1512: Do you like cheese?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, pie.

Question 1513: Do you like pie?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, pi.

Question 1514: Why doesn't it matter now what happens?
Dr. Donez's Answer: You lost me. Try again later.

Question 1515: *picks up Dr.D, asks a question, and shakes him.*
Wait...you're a magic 8-ball, right? Dr. Donez's Answer: (Erp) You may want to move, kid. You're not going to like what you see. I appologize in advanced for messing up your shows. (Erp).

Question 1516: Oh well. Say, I notice a large box of donuts sitting by you. May I have one? Please, I'm starving...
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sure...take them...I lost my appetite. How do you spell appetite? Bah, who cares.

Question 1517: Speaking of food, where's Bill and why hasn't he made that microwave pizza yet? I was promised pizza a long time ago... Unless... Wait... *looks at Dr.Donez accusingly*
Dr. Donez's Answer: Unless...what...? How should I know. Stop looking at me like that!

Question 1518: Want some worms?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Nah...I'm still feeling kinda sick.

Question 1519: Want some dirt?
Dr. Donez's Answer: What do I look like? A bug? Go bother Fred.

Question 1520: Want some pizza?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Didn't someone just ask a question about pizza. Did you steal their pizza?

Question 1521: Why do you use the number 899999999999999999999 when you say it's for n00bs?
Dr. Donez's Answer: What? Who? Sorry, my memory isn't that good.

Question 1522: How do you eat so much corn?
Dr. Donez's Answer: With my mouth.

Question 1523: Did you just call me a n00b?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No...it was...Executrain. Go kill Executrain.

Question 1524: I'm the one who ate the microwave pizza. Will whoever originally wanted the pizza beat the shiznit out of me?
Dr. Donez's Answer: What's with all of this talk about microwave pizza. You all need to eat more. Or maybe try some of my new Gammaray Pizza.

Question 1525: Have you heard of the new Ice Picks with built-in freeze rays?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Holy crap, that sounds sweet.

Question 1526: *Explosion occurs* Who left their orange happy drink on the microwave?!
Dr. Donez's Answer: Must of been the guy who stole the pizza. Poor guy, didn't know what hit him.

Question 1527: Why don't you work for Wario Ware Inc.?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Would YOU want to work for Wario? He's insane.

Question 1528: How do we know this is all real and we're not really just the dream of some brain floating in a jar in some mad scientist's laboratory in some sick, twisted alternate universe?
Dr. Donez's Answer: You're right. You're absolutely right. Now what are you going to do?

Question 1529: How do you spell fhqwhgads?
Dr. Donez's Answer: With an f.

Question 1530: My hat's returning fire. If your hat doesn't surrender, then my hat will conqour your head. Under my terms, you must give me your hat. I will give you some yellow corn in return. Are these terms acceptable?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um. Deal with my lawyers. I don't get into lawsuits. What? I went to law school? Well...um...I guess I'll be representing myself then.

Question 1531: Can you do the twist?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Nah. I lost my ability to dance in college.

Question 1532: If you're Dr. Donez, then who's that right behind you!?!!? (Steals your stapler and runs)
Dr. Donez's Answer: Damnit! I need that stapler! For all of my stapling staply needs!

Question 1533: If you divide 6, and the answer is K, does that mean Michael Jackson had three pairs of pants on top of his wife, Barabara Walters?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sure, why not.

Question 1534: If ate the pie, the pi ate you, and yellow corn can fly, does that mean the White Sox went to the Super Bowl?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sure, why not.

Question 1535: If a hampster can pronounce "bacon" which is the secret password the hardware store which is actually a Starbucks, does that mean Fred eating your refrigerator, which is happening right now, means I lost my left foot?
Dr. Donez's Answer: NO! NEVER! YOU'RE WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! What? Did you say LEFT foot? Oh, you're right, then.

Question 1536: Are you Superman?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I wish. I could have cool heat vision. BUUUZZZZZZZ.

Question 1537: Am I an alien?
Dr. Donez's Answer: If you are, would you really want me to tell everyone?

Question 1538: Why does Jay keep trying to blow up the Earth?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Because he hasn't found a dang girlfriend yet to keep him busy. Bored Jay = Blown-up Earth.

Question 1539: Who's better at making comics, Jay or CodieKitty?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Whoever I say, the other will kill me. So I'll say CK, since Jay's a wuss.

Question 1540: Can I borrow a soldering iron?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sure, but return in by Sunday before noon. And please rewind it.

Question 1541: Do I have to return it?
Dr. Donez's Answer: YES!!! SUNDAY! NOON! REWIND!!!!!

Question 1542: How's your breakdancing "skillz"? Filled with clockwork windowsill-ish goodness?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Like I said. No me dance good.

Question 1543: I get it. You just want my cool-whip, don't you?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sure. Who wouldn't want it's cool-whippy goodness.

Question 1544: A LA (purple) MOTE?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um...yes?

Question 1545: Who is "The Mole?"
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, I know I sure ain't. Stop looking at me like that.

Question 1546: Where was I going?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Away...I hope.

Question 1547: If Donkey Kong decided to hug the flying bologna, would the television hugging shoes crush the blue footed turkies in Bermuta?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Don't do drugs, kids.

Question 1548: Do you love Ronald McDonald?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, but it's fun to sue him over his food.

Question 1549: And If the television hugging shoes missed the blue footed turkies, would Jay Leno and Bill Clinton fuse into Billjay Lelinteno, and become dictator of Burger King, and force small chipmunks to feel the pain of small potato dumplings nipping at their faces?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Billjay...I'm scared...I'm going to hide in the corner for a while...

Question 1550: Why does anything on Animal Planet hosted by Mario Lopez suck so much?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Beats me. Is he a vacuum?

Question 1551: Why is Wario's butt so big in Wario World?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I guess someone forgot to use their Butt Blaster, Dr. Donez's 100% effective weight loss scam. I mean program. Program. Not scam.

Question 1552: What happens if you stick a pin into a blister, then squeeze it?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Ew...That's disgusting.

Question 1553: How many rats does it take to make a plague?
Dr. Donez's Answer: One, if you're lucky. More if you want faster results.

Question 1554: How about frogs?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Frogs just creep people out.

Question 1555: Mimes?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Now you're onto something. Mind if I use that plan to take over the world?

Question 1556: Have you seen my foot today?
Dr. Donez's Answer: It's right under your leg. Imagine that.

Question 1557: Hey Dr. Donez, why is Bill stuck in your microwave?
Dr. Donez's Answer: He must have been trying to eat that pizza. Bill! Get outta there!

Question 1558: What happened?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I'll never tell, copper!

Question 1559: Who's your daddy?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Mr. Donez.

Question 1560: What if all the oranges in the world came together and blew you up?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, but I'd sure smell funny.

Question 1561: If a tree falls in a forest, and noone hears it, does it make a pound of cheesecake?
Dr. Donez's Answer: If you don't mind the taste of tree-fallen-cheesecake.

Question 1562: An ounce?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sure, whatever.

Question 1563: A smidgen even?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Stopit, you're freaking me out.

Question 1564: Do you like pudding?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only if it's mashed from corn.

Question 1565: Pi?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, e.

Question 1566: How many trees does it take to make 1 elevator button?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Why. What do you need an elevator button for?

Question 1567: Have you ever "saddled up", pilgrim?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Yeah, but the government wasn't too happy.

Question 1568: Does size matter to Spanyards?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Size always matter to Spanyards. Even when it doesn't matter.

Question 1569: Why did my cheese talk?
Dr. Donez's Answer: You're crazy.

Question 1570: Did you ever take a wire cutter and slice a Backstreet Boy Action figure into bits and pieces?
Dr. Donez's Answer: No, I don't own any Backstreet Boy Action figures. Why do YOU?

Question 1571: Who would win in a fight between: SpiderMan,Yoda,T-1000/liquid metal(Terminator 2),Neo(Matrix),The Twins(Matrix Reloaded),the Terminator, Agent Smith(Matix),Ivan Drago(Rocky4),Gandalf the White(LOTR) NightCrawler(X-Men2)and Darth Vader?
Dr. Donez's Answer: The Rocky dude, since he's pumped full of 'roids.

Question 1572: Why can't i think of any other cool people to put in the previous question's fight?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Watch more movies.

Question 1573: So whats taking him so long?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sorry, I was in the bathroom...pooping on your car...heh...heh...

Question 1574: Why is Captain Churro the defender of all that is swedish and rotten?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Why not?

Question 1575: Is there an "Ask Bizarro Dr.Donez" somewhere?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Probably in the Bizzaro NC Forum.

Question 1576: Why do we swedes have to carry Doomsday Machineparts while chained, repeating "Heil Dr.Donez" all the time?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Shh. I told you to be quiet!

Question 1577: Why do you hate Executrain?
Dr. Donez's Answer: He foiled my first attempt at world domination.

Question 1578: Why do people ask you stupid questions?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Well, the simple answer can be found in your own question.

Question 1579: How do you feel about Luigi?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Not as bad as that Mario dude. At least Luigi doesn't weigh a billion pounds.

Question 1580: What ever happenned to that chain chomp you free in Super Mario 64?
Dr. Donez's Answer: He was adopted.

Question 1581: Do you like techno at all? If you do, what kind?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Nah, I just listen to Blue Grass. Is that a type of techno?

Question 1582: If you were a Japanese cartoon, what would you look like, and what would your show be about?
Dr. Donez's Answer: I would have eyes ten feet tall, I would speak in a high pitched voice, and every week I'd try to take over the world. Along with my stupid sidekick, Pinky. Very original show.

Question 1583: What is your current status with the ladies?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Status - N/A.

Question 1584: Does Jay realize that he can't fly?
Dr. Donez's Answer: He does now.

Question 1585: And why did the person above me use three questions from Strong Bad's E-mail?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Beats me. Too much orange juice?

Question 1586: In Castlevania: Shymphony of the Night, why is it whenever you equip all 3 Alucart items, your name CHANGES to Alucart?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um.....too much orange juice?

Question 1587: Also, why does Alucart gain 30 Intelligence?
Dr. Donez's Answer: How the heck should I know? What? Play the game? Heck no. I'm too busy for that. (Sleeps).

Question 1588: Does E=MC2 mean Energy=Meatballs and Cheese x 2?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Only if you eat at Jerry's Subs and Pizza.

Question 1589: *Reading Orange happy drink label and coughing smoke* Dr. D, you're guess about the Orange Happy drink belonging to me is wrong, because this is o0fireball0o's, so was that a trap for anyone who tried to steal the microwaved pizza?(Note:This is BSD just so ya know)
Dr. Donez's Answer: Um......no.....what gave you that idea....(runs).

Question 1590: Do you have anything I can borrow so I can kill o0fireball0o?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Here's a spork. Give it back at the end of the day.

Question 1591: *spits out a empty bag of Funyuns* Do you have any more Funyuns?
Dr. Donez's Answer: You can eat some of Bill.

Question 1592: If 2+2=fish, why do I hate seafood?
Dr. Donez's Answer: But 2+2 does not = fish. 2+2 = hampster.

Question 1593: Who the heck is Peter Piper and why did he pick a peck of pickled peppers?
Dr. Donez's Answer: He was trying to pay off his student loans.

Question 1594: Oh yeah, where is the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
Dr. Donez's Answer: The government now owns it.

Question 1595: Why didn't you answer my previous questions?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Lazy. Asleep. Bored. Tired. Crazy. Mad. Happy. Pick one.

Question 1596: Once you do take over the world. Where will you put the capital?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Donezton D.C.

Question 1597: Can I make a suggestion where this capital should be? Ottawa, the capital of Canada is a beautiful city. If you can visit Ottawa, do so. Your palace could be at Rideau Hall (for those not familiar with Canada, Rideau Hall is the Governor General, the Queen's representative to Canada lives.)
Dr. Donez's Answer: Sigh, OK, you win, I'll enslave Ottawa first.

Question 1598: Why is Jay not updating the top ten lists?
Dr. Donez's Answer: He's a bum.

Question 1599: When is your birthday, Monez, no, wait, Jonez-er, Lonez-er, Konez-er, Donez?
Dr. Donez's Answer: J-Lo-nez? I guess that'll make me D-Do-nez. Yo! It's D-Do and J-Lo! I like the sound of that.

Question 1600: How little wood wouldn�t a woodchuck not chuck, if not a woodchuck couldn�t chuck any wood?
Dr. Donez's Answer: Zero. Duh. Duh duh duh. Duh. Duh duh. Duuuuuuuh.

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